Ava – Week #33

Darkness pressed against the windows of the ship. The deafening screams echoed through the cold night. All the passengers were left awake and frightened. No one dared to sleep.
BANG!
Everyone’s heart skipped a beat.
The bang woke up the Captain. He rubbed his eyes and found shattered glass in his room. Someone had shot a bullet through his window.
The next morning security piled into the Captains room. They planned and planned until the day was up.
That night security guards protected the Captain. He slept, but the rest of the ship were awake.
They caught the criminal.

One thought on “Ava – Week #33

  1. Hello Ava – what a fantastic introductory sentence! I love the sensory description of the darkness pressing against the windows of the ship – like the darkness is a person, rather than just a feeling or an experience. It suggests that everything feels heavy, and a little foreboding, and it builds suspense. Your vocabulary choices are excellent too; I really like your use of ‘deafening’, ‘frightened’ and ‘dared’ as they are very accurate adjectives or verbs with a very specific impact on your reader. I would have loved to have seen more characterisation of the Captain; how could he sleep so easily, knowing that his life had been threatened the night before? Is he used to it? Does it happen lots? Why does he trust his guards so? An excellent job!

    Like

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